The Red Lion

Huh? 

Hang on, let me pull my ear buds... what's up?

Yeah, Tara and Patrick, what about 'em?

Yeah, they're OK. 

Expand?  Yeah... sure, I guess, you know... they pay the rent on time and they're easy on my floor.  They tend to give me plenty of free time, which I like.  I've certainly had better, but they'll do for now.

OK, I'll give you that. "Technically" they sound like model inhabitants but I can see right off you've never allowed them to live in you. I mean, yeah, they pay the rent on time and what not, but it's the little things, you know?  Say, for instance, their music library seems to consist almost entirely of Paul Simon.  Don't get me wrong, I dig Duncan as much as the next one-bedroom apartment but do I need the original AND several alternate versions every day?  It wouldn't kill them to play some Pearl Jam.  Or Hendrix?  This is Seattle, right?  Oh!  And why all the squash soup?  I know Tara is said to be a phenom in the kitchen... but can squash soup really be all that sustains them?  They make that stuff, like, every week, they bake up the seeds and practically feed them to each other.  The whole display is just... preposterous.

And actually, what I'd said about them giving me free time, I made that up.  They're gone maybe half the weekends but the rest of the time consists of them moping around... Patrick waxing hysterical about whatever Russian novel he's currently reading. Tara will sometimes discuss these ravings with him but typically she's more focused on trying to diagnose the characters with rare and un-heard of diseases. Heh. Yeah. These two.

But yeah, that being said, they aren't awful, just... forgettable.  Speaking of which, and I hate to get my hopes up, but lately I've been getting the impression that they're short-timing it here.  And shoot, you know I'm dying to be back on the market.  I've got a lot to offer, I mean take a look:

http://maps.google.com/maps?q=328+Bellevue+Ave+E+seattle,+wa&ll=47.621988,-122.326241&spn=0.000029,0.02105&hnear=328+Bellevue+Ave+E,+Seattle,+Washington+98102&gl=us&t=m&z=16&vpsrc=0&layer=c&cbll=47.621984,-122.326382&panoid=7_8_H8uB41riTcaqBSoa3A&cbp=12,135,,0,0

They don't put just anything on Street View.  I'm middle-aged, middle-classed, sexually un-oriented.  Cynical, skeptical, and sarcastic.  And when I'm in public, I don't care how strange you look, I'll pretend not to notice you.  I'm everything your typical Seattle soul needs.  Come and get you some.